At Least There’ll Be Turkey: Thanksgiving 2020
Madeline Marzano-Lesnevich, Esq. and her husband/law partner Walt Lesnevich (personal injury and medical malpractice law) founded Lesnevich, Marzano-Lesnevich, O’Cathain & O’Cathain, LLC. She chairs the firm’s family law department and is a family and matrimonial law attorney. Madeline has focused her practice on complex matrimonial law representing high net worth individuals, business owners, professional athletes, CEOs and the spouses of those individuals. She is also known for her expertise in high-conflict and relocation custody matters.
Contact information: mml@lmllawyers.com
t: 201.488.1161
www.lmllawyers.com
We know it’s the last Thursday in November (this year, Thursday, November 26th). We know there will be turkey.
And that’s about all we know for sure about Thanksgiving 2020.
The novel coronavirus pandemic has upended everything about the year, so why should Thanksgiving— and the traditional start of the holiday season— be any different? (Even the Macy’s Day Parade will feature no spectators, and be mainly virtual.) It’s hard to know what family members, or friends and family inside your bubble, consider safe to do this year, and it’s best to ask everyone outright as soon as possible; to engage your loved ones and dinner companions in a forthright talk: Are we all quarantining for 14 days prior to the big meal? Are we able to get tested beforehand, as a safety precaution? Are we gathering, and if so, is it the same large group, or a smaller gathering? Or are we gathering virtually, via Zoom?
Add in, of course, the complications often wrought by divorce and co-parenting, in which children sometimes spend the holiday with an alternating parent and their family each year, or switch-off sometime over the holiday weekend. This year even more complicated questions may arise: Can we really switch-off if we’ve been exposed to relatives who are not in our bubble? Why should we agree on who gets the children for Thanksgiving when we have no real idea what Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s and winter break will be like in the COVID-19 era? And what if we’re just not comfortable with the level of safety protocols? (As in, Did Aunt Rhonda really wash her hands for 20 seconds? and Why is Uncle Larry’s mask below his nose?)
Whether you’re a parent, a co-parent or a guardian, here are three tips for dealing with Thanksgiving in these unprecedented times:
- Talk. And then talk some more. The key to enjoying Thanksgiving is to gauge everyone’s health and comfort levels, and set ground rules.
If we all live close enough for simply a socially distanced outdoors cocktail hour before the meal, then make sure the children have warm sweaters and the turkey’s in the oven. If family is coming, discuss beforehand the protocols of bathroom usage, sharing pumpkin pies, and saying goodnight after a couple glasses of wine. If Thanksgiving is virtual this year, make sure everyone understands why— and maybe send everyone the same Thanksgiving cup or mini-pumpkin for their box beforehand. Communication can help fend off hurt feelings and misunderstood social practices— and this goes for no talking politics at the dinner table or on Zoom, either.
- Level set expectations. Thanksgiving is going to feel different this year, and it’s best to embrace that, not deny that. The closest Thanksgiving I can think of is the one after 9/11: people were still afraid to fly, and there were often tears during the traditional toast. With over 200,000 Americans dead from the coronavirus, some families may choose to acknowledge that sober fact at the beginning of the meal; some may wish solely for escapism— both instincts are understandable. For some families, dealing with unemployment hardships and food insecurity, simply putting a turkey on the table may be a struggle. No matter where your family is this year, set expectations upfront— which may bring about a new level of gratitude this Thanksgiving.
- Be creative and make do. Thanksgiving never comes off perfectly without a pandemic, so this year’s aye be a doozy. Turkey charred to a crisp? Order Chinese food. Grandma and Grandpa only able to attend via Zoom? Send them a turkey dinner beforehand, along with the same bottle of red you’re drinking. Cousins want to present a Thanksgiving pageant, but they’re scattered across the states? Rehearse it for Zoom. There’s always a fix for the traditional Thanksgiving moment— that may well just result in a new tradition!
Like all the months of quarantine, remote learning, and everything else about 2020, the holidays are going to be different, and challenging. The important thing is to do your best, take a deep breath, be grateful for what you have— and take some time for yourself, whether after the meal or Friday morning. Thanksgiving 2020 can still honor the point of the holiday: to give thanks.