By: Nick Kacher
Good communication is at the root of all good relationships. The more effectively one communicates, the more success they will find in every aspect of their lives. This is true for friendships, family relationships and work relationships. In the legal community it holds true between colleagues, between attorneys and judges, and firms and clients.
While I never fancied myself one of the great orators of modern times, I did believe I was an above average communicator. I was confident in my ability to accurately convey my thoughts, ideas and feelings… then I had kids. Suddenly I began to question not just whether I was a decent communicator, but if they could even hear me. Around my house, I can often be heard saying, “Do you hear the words that are coming out of my mouth?” For years I passed the blame on to them and just assumed my kids were bad listeners. However, after some self-reflection I realized my kids were not the problem, I was just doing a poor job of communicating with them. I learned a lesson long ago that I always try to implement when communicating for work, but for some reason ignored when communicating with my children.
The lesson that I had failed to apply was that before you communicate anything you need to answer these three questions:
1) What do I want them to know?
2) What do I want them to feel?
3) What do I want them to do?
Thinking about these questions before we begin speaking can help us effectively communicate in all situations. We need to remember that it is not information, but emotions that move people to action. We cannot just relay information and facts, instead we need to consider how we want them to feel about the information we relay. It is easier to move them to action once they feel something. Therefore, how we say something is as important as what is said.
Regardless of if you are a sought-after presenter or not, the good news is that this is applicable to every situation. Whether it is a pitch to a major new client or at bedtime with our children, always speak in a way so they hear it, believe it and will do it. Give it a try and you will have much more productive, memorable and meaningful conversations as a result.